When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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