Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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