I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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