nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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