Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
