Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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