im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
