My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
foreskin is a definite game changer
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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