she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
