Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
