Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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