i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon