Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever