If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?