my shit smells like andre
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"