my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dating After Heartbreak
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it