I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.