We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT