I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough