But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves