Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.