I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?