Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.