my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.