Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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