dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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