My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island