I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.