Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.