I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream