Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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