In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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