I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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