I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
