In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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