i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Help me help you realize you are a moron
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
