u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
