Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize