how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
