i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize