i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize