Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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