I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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