there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
