Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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