The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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