Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize