A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
