I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
