Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
