I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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