He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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