sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
