just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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