sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize