So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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