stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
