This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
