i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...