i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.