Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.