At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We are two peas in an std pod
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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