12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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