i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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