There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
