She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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